Love and Work - The Two major Challenges of Wellness Within

This little boy is working to learn to walk and you can tell by the look on his face that he loves what he is doing.  He loves this work!  And of course, he has wellness within - you can see it on his face!  But when we get to adulthood, a lot of things can take a smile like that right off our faces.  And if anything is going to wipe the wellness within right off our faces it is not being happy with our work or our love life.   As Freud once said, "Love and work, that's all there is."  And wellness within is what comes of fulfilling and satisfying love and work.  But what is wellness within? 

Wellness Within 

Wellness within is a sense of well being about your life and who you are.  You feel that you are doing the right work for your skills and talents and that this choice is bringing you the life satisfaction and joy you desire in life.  A person with a good solid sense of wellness within does not dread Monday morning or wish they had some other job or career.  Nor do they long for a different life partner or wish they were single and could choose someone else.  They love their partner and love the life they are living with him or her.  

Now in some cases, a person may feel unhappy or unsatisfied with the choices they have made in either their career or their primary relationship, but this unhappiness is related more to themselves than the career or relationship.  These people don't trust their choices and are always looking for new avenues to explore.  This is not wellness within, this is global dissatisfaction with themselves.  

Global Dissatisfaction with Oneself 

If you do not feel a sense of wellness within but instead feel a sense of global dissatisfaction with yourself and your life then you have some work to do.  The first thing you have to do is become your own best friend.  The truth is that at the end of the day and in fact, at the end of your life, you're the only one you've got - so make friends with yourself.  Take your own side in conflicts with others, forgive yourself for your mistakes, love yourself for your choices and have faith in those choices and decisions.  And fix or get help with the things in your life that you truly believe need to change.  

Go on a Change Odyssey

If after some deep reflection you decide you do need to change some things about yourself, then takes this on.  Go on what I call a Change Odyssey.   Let's say you fret too much about this or that in your life.  Well, any time you fret that is not wellness within.  Fretting and worrying create un-wellness within or what most people would call misery.  What I would say as a psychological consultant is that any time you fret and worry, this is your soul telling you something is amiss.  Attend to it.  Change it or it will kill you!  There's an old saying "She's worried to death."  Well, don't worry yourself to death - fix it and fix it now.  Worry, will indeed kill you!  

Love Your partner or Leave Your Partner

The same goes for your life partner - you need to openly love them or make the decision to leave them since you can't change them, you can only change yourself.  So get busy going on a change odyssey to love your partner or make a decision to leave them.  You can't have it both ways.  One of the things about wellness within is the decision to accept certain unchangeable things and let them be.  Maybe your partner is always late or running late and this bothers you.  Well, that bother is a little bit of un-wellness within.  A little chunk of dissatisfaction inside yourself.  Then the next time she is running late, that bother bumps up against your insides and eventually it's a huge ball of misery.   

What Else Can You Do?

One of the things I tell people about life in general is helping someone out is always a good thing.  So if you life partner is always running late maybe he or she is overwhelmed with all the things they have to do.  So offer some help and do this with an open heart.  Or just do it.  No sarcasm, no under the breath passive aggressive comments, either.  A "Hey let me help you with that."  will almost always be met with gratitude and open acceptance.  

Accept Them For Who/What They Are, Not Who or What You Would Like Them to Be 

This is true whether it is your career or your partner.  The job is what it is and so is your life partner.  The chances of you changing them is pretty unlikely. So be careful who and what you choose in life.  Take your time and do your own self development work so you are as good as you are going to be as well.  Who would want to live with someone or go to work at a job where you are always being ask to change.  

Being accepted for who and what you are is one of our most treasured aspirations.  So go where you are loved and valued for what you bring, not what they wish you would bring.  That is a miserable place to be - AVOID IT!!!!

I wish you love and acceptance for whoever you are, no matter what!

Lorraine 

Is Your Ego Running Wild? While Your Soul Remains Unheeded?

James Hillman said in his book, The Soul's Code - In Search of Character and Calling, that we all come with gifts and talents and that we are here to use them for the greater good, that is, if we want to live a good and purpose filled life.   At the same time, we all have an ego that in most cases keeps us on track with our lives, including what our soul's want for us.  But sometimes we focus only on ego related things and lose touch with what our soul's want for us.  You may get the occasional twinge of a soul related thought or feeling but many people are all ego focused with little soul coming to the forefront of their lives.  

We Live in an Ego Focused World

As young people we went to school and were taught the three R's; reading, writing and arithmetic and we did this using our egos, with almost no soul involved.  It was a matter of learning these things so we could function in the world in a positive and successful way.  This has produced a population of people with strong egos.  In general, we all - most of us anyway - know how to read, write and do math - we are a well educated society.  But are we a soulful society?  I wonder about this, I really do.  

What Would a Soulful Society Look Like?

In my work I urge people to get in touch with their souls and to do and act on their soul's messages.  This can be a delightful prospect or a daunting undertaking.  It depends on how ego focused they are.  In some ways the ego is like a strong protector of the individual person - it will not let anything get in the way of the individual's desires.  But ego desires are often in direct conflict with soul desires.  Let's say your employer offers you a new job in a different city and state, with a higher salary and more responsibility.  Your ego says, "Go for it." and you agree to take this new job.  But once you begin the process of this new ego related position - you can't sleep at night or you wake up at 4am wondering what in the world you have just done to your self and your family.  This is your soul tapping you on the shoulder and asking you to consider the consequences of this action.  

A Soulful Society Would Look More Temperate 

Of course a temperate world is not as exciting and tantalizing as one that is wild and wholly, and if you are a single person with no dependents or with no plans to become a parent, then maybe this job would be okay for you.  But even then, you need to check in with your soul to make sure you have decided on the right thing for you.  Because here is the deal, any decision you make in your life will often affect other people, so you have to consider them.  That's part of living in a temperate world.  Other people affect us as we go along, making decision.  

Ego and Soul Decision Making - The Dance of Equals 

But let's get back to making life decisions based on our ego and not our souls.  What I tell my clients is that all of one's life decisions must be both ego and soul considered.  It's a dance and the ego leads, but the soul brings the rhythm.  I call it a dance of equals.  If it's all ego, it will be kind of stiff and if it's all soul, it might be off in the corner doing something no one understands.  

It's like reading a great book - the ego wrote the book and the reader understands this but if the writer did no include his/her soul in writing the book, it will be less than what it could have been.  It might be entertaining but it won't be touching, meaningful or soulful.     

If You Want Your Life to be Meaningful and Soulful 

Then I suggest you get in touch with your soul and see what he/she has to say about whatever you are considering.  Even if it is a small thing, the ego may set you on what appears to be a good path, but if there is no soul to this new path - your soul will tap you on the shoulder and get your attention.  BTW, the soul speaks in metaphor and symbols, unlike the ego who speaks, more or less in direct messages.  If you make a major life decision and then you can't get to sleep at night or you oversleep and are late to work, it could be that there is something soulful that is unaddressed by this decision.   

Create Some Soul Time

We all need some soul time in our lives.  Always attending to some task or chore, watching movies and television shows, or going out with friends is not soul time.  Soul time is alone time.  Now it doesn't have to be a lot of time, an hour or even half an hour a day dedicated to getting in touch with your soul is often time enough.  Some writers call this "going home" time.  Call it what you like, but make sure you carve out some time to get in touch with your soul.  If you do, I guarantee you will be a happier, more relaxed and purpose driven individual.    

Blessings,  Lorraine 

The World of Worked has Changed Radically, Have You Changed With it?

When I got my master's degree over twenty years ago I did some research, wrote some articles and helped my clients come to terms with the changing world of work, which at that time was just getting started with all the changes we are now facing.  But in most cases my clients didn't want to address this or simply wanted to stay the same, skate through this upheaval, as best they could, and then retire when they got to retirement age.  

Then I wrote a book, Second Act Soul's Calls - Your Guide for the Re-Invention of your life at Midlife and Beyond with Passion, Purpose and Possibilities -  published in 2013 - which was about how your soul has a plan for you and that at midlife you could hear this call and make some changes and create a new life for yourself, but again, most people not only didn't want to hear this call, but actively remained the same, by continuing to do what they had been doing all along.  But the world continues to change and we either change with it or become like the dinosaurs - those giant beasts that roamed the world several million years ago and are now extinct.   

You Can Only Change What You Do - Not Who You Are

BTW, I don't believe that people can change their basic personality type or temperament, what they can do is change what they do in relation to the world around them.  In fact, I would say that we all need to know and understand our basic temperament and personality type.  Once we know and accept this we can begin to react to the world as it changes and do it in a way that fits who we are at a soul level.  For example, I am an ENFP - an Advocate for others  - on the Myers-Briggs personality scale - which also makes me an Idealist temperament.  Therefore, for me to know and pay attention to how the world of work has changed radically in the last twenty years and especially since the Pandemic, and then write about this, fits who I am at a deep, soul level.  It's what I do.  

But What About You?  

What do you do?  What changes have you made to address the changes in the world of work?  Or have you just put your head in the sand and tried to hang on - until retirement, as I said.  But retirement is not the same either - people are living longer and they need something to do other than go on a perpetual vacation.  When retirement was first developed back in the 1930,s  most people only lived a few years past it and were often not particularly healthy - but the average retired person today is very healthy and can expect to live another twenty or thirty years.  What have you noticed about the world of work in the last ten to fifteen years that you know is going to change that world for you and others.  

Last night on PBS, there was a show on all the technological innovations that have taken over the world of work. In one, a person was getting surgery and the "surgeon'" was a robot.   In this show the robot was monitored by a real surgeon - but my guess is that within a short time, the person watching the surgery will no longer be a medical doctor, but a trained technician and that he or she will be using technology to check to make sure the robot is doing it right, but that at some point, sooner rather than later, it will all be technolgy with only a limited number of technicians keeping things going for patients getting surgery.  

Now What?  Now What, Indeed!  

What I see with this is that what the world of work is going to need in the future is a whole lot of technicians doing the work that in the old days - in 2021 - was done by educated and trained individuals who used their training and education to do the job, not a computer program, but their own brain.  But with all these technological changes, the human brain may become obsolete.  

Oh, No!  That Can't Happen!  We Won't Let It!

In fact, what I would say is that the world of work is inhabited by human beings and we can and do have a lot to say about how it works.  So the number one thing we need to do is pay attention to our work, especially where and how we work.  And to notice what has changed and is changing so that we can do something before our brains and our human spirit is completely outdated.    

Look for Satisfaction, Joy and Wonder in your work!

And if you don't find that, then begin to look for and find work that does do this for you.  Also, look for  others who are doing work you enjoy and join them.  Or find organizations that support and advocate for joyful and satisfying work and become a member.  The bottom line is the world or work is changing and either you change what you do in relation to it or become like those dinosaurs, just pictures in a book on the world of work before the big shift happened.  

Are You Paying Attention?

If you put your head down and just hang on - what do you think will happen to you and your life?  This is the big question at this time.  Think on it and let me know your thoughts.  

Blessings

Lorraine 

New Visions - Wellness Within - 720-258-5963
A Learning and Growing Resource - annlbanfield@gmail.com

"You have to see it to believe it and take action to make it real."  

Are You Shrinking to Fit Something that does not Fit You

 

In life we are often given the opportunity to shrink to fit something that may, on the surface, look like a good thing for us but once we shrink to fit it, we find that it is not something we really want.  

It could be a job, a relationship, a trip somewhere, a political party we are offered the opportunity to join, or anything that expects or requires us to be less than who we really are at our core in order to fit it.  

This happens when we are offered something of value to us but doesn't really fit us and we take this less than what we want thing in spite of this.  Usually this happens when we want something we have either not earned or want in spite of the price we are being asked to pay for it.  

The Ways We Shrink To Fit

Let's say it's a new job.  You go for the interview and it looks good but then they mention something to you in kind of an off hand manner, that is part of the job, but the job looks great in all other ways, so you accept it.  But then on the first day of work you are asked to do this one thing that doesn't fit you.  Maybe it's some kind of misrepresentation of what the company does - I once got a job with a career consulting company that had a gorgeous front office with a huge conference room looking out onto the mountains, where I met and worked with the clients they assigned me, but on a daily basis I was put into a a tiny, little boxed in cubicle next to the telemarketer who spent all day on the phone selling clients on the work I would do for them.  In order to do this job I had to pretend that the front office and the conference room were the true nature of this company, when in reality I had to shrink myself  to fit the cramped and noisy little cubicle they put me in.  I left after I worked with my first customer, since shrinking to fit is something I simply won't do.  

But Maybe It's Not a Job But a Relationship

Sometimes, shrinking to fit comes in the form of a relationship.  It could be a romantic relationship or a new friend or neighbor.  One of my clients had a neighbor who wanted to be friends with her, but they were not on the same level of education, maturity or lifestyle.  My client tried really hard to make this friendship work, but in order to do that she had to shrink to fit this neighbor.  The neighbor bitched and moaned about her boyfriend, her grown up children and her job.  But my client was happy with her life and didn't bitch and moan about much of anything.  Eventually, my client had to put space between her and this woman and was simply unavailable for friendship with her.  

Shrinking to Fit Could be a Nice Guy Way of Being

Some of us want to be seen by others as a nice guy or a sweetheart, and in doing this we often have to shrink in order to fit someone else's vision of us.  This is actually a self esteem issue.  People who like and value themselves don't worry too much about what other people think of them.  They hope people like them and respect them but they don't sell their souls to get this.  One of my favorite writers, Wayne Dyer said "Self actualized people are independent of the good opinion of others." So if you are playing the role of nice guy or sweetheart in your interactions with others, it is time to take stock and begin to be your true self in the world and stop shrinking to fit anything or anyone.  If you think you might be doing this then give me a call as I love to help others find and value their true selves in the world.  

Blessings, Lorraine 

New Visions - Wellness Within 

 Lorraine Banfield - Director - Mentor- Educator

720-258-5963

Are You Shopping for Solutions to Life's Challenges?

We live in a world that markets and sells the solution to all of life's challenges. If you have a problem you will be told via the Internet, Television and other sources that all you have to do is purchase the solution with this or that product or service.  We are bombarded by these ads on a relentless basis, from drugs that will cure us, supplements that will prevent problems from developing, exercise programs and equipment that will keep us healthy and young, to ambulance chasing attorneys who will get you a million bucks if you've been in an auto accident. We are also sold political ads that tell us what to think and how to vote.  Then there are of course, all the recreational and pleasurable actives we can purchase that sell us the good life.  And one of my favorites, the beauty ads - hair, make up and face creams that try to guarantee us that we will never get old.   

Now don't get me wrong - I love shopping and of course we need or at least want all kinds of things like food, shelter, exercise, health care, professional services, entertainment and so on but when it comes to solving life's more challenging aspects we need to look inside and find the answer with in us.  As Karl Jung said,

"He who looks outside dreams, he who looks inside, awakens."

So the next time you find yourself struggling with some existential angst, try looking inside yourself for the answer.  Each us is gifted with who and what we are and that includes what we can do with our lives.  We do not have to shop for the answer, all we have to do is get in touch with what is already inside ourselves.  Now this may mean that what you find will require you to do something that does require a bit pf shopping.  Let's say you find that what you really want to do with your life is be a writer, or a professor, a nurse or doctor - well all these things require education and learning.  So you will have to shop for a school to attend or books to read people who can help you with your call.    I use the word call as that is what your insides will illuminate for you - what you are here to do with your life, your calling.  And of course, once you hear your call, you will most likely need to do some shopping in order to make it happen.  I call this Target Shopping.  

Do Some Target Shopping To Make it Happen
 

Once you wake up to what you want in your life then going out and target shopping to make that happen flows easily and that's how you know you are on the right track.  Once you look inside and hear your call, things begin to flow.   But if that is not happening maybe you need a little help and that's what I do with people, I help them discover who they are and what they long to do with their life.  If you feel stuck or lost in the woods then give me a call - I am here to help you - it's what I found inside myself when I looked within.

Blessings, Lorraine

New Visions -At Wellness WithIn

720-258-5963 - Email lorrainebanfield@msn.com

"You have to see it to believe it and take action to make it real"

Change the Way You Look at Things & the Things You Look at Change

We all have things we think, believe and do that we don't really question too much, it's just what we think is right or wrong depending on what it is.  Some of these things come from the culture, some come from our families, some come from our religion and some come from the media but many of them come from our own life experiences and our reactions to these events.  These reactions could have happened last week or when we were kids.  Some of these experiences were delightful, some were boring and tedious and some were horrible, miserable and stressful.  So we decide what we feel about these experiences and this sets up our belief systems, our daily actions and the way we then do and direct our lives more or less on auto pilot.   

 

But what if we were wrong?  What if what we have "decided" is not serving us or is making us live a life that is not soulful or authentic for us.  What if our beliefs and actions are limiting us in ways that in the long run will make us feel cheated by life?

 

Look at What You Do - Is this Authentic for You?

 

Start with what you do each day and ask yourself if this is the right thing for you to be doing with your life.  Are you doing the right work for you?  Do you love it or are you simply marking time until  you can do something else.  Do you like/love and value the people in your life?  Do you feel your life is purposeful and meaningful?  Do you feel true to yourself?

 

Look at Your Values - Do They Support the Greater Good?

 

Whether we like it or not, the best lives are lived by those who act in ways that both support themselves and their own souls but who never forget that we are all in this together.  In other words, if we only work and believe in our own good but don't care a bit about others, we are going to eventually feel empty and dead inside.  So when you look at your values pay attention to those that may be prejudiced against others, or that tell you that you are above certain people, are better than them based on some arbitrary thing like the color of your skin, your I.Q. your physical beauty or the country in which you were born.  These are either accidents of birth or given by God, depending on your belief system, but what ever you believe, you did not earn these things but were given them by something beyond mine or your understanding. 

 

Be Diligent

 

As  you go about your day, be diligent about looking at what you believe, do and say.  Are your basic actions in support of you and your soul and the souls of others or are you simply going about life on without conscious thought about it?    Of course, if you have questions about this or want some support in making some changes in your life then give me a call - this is what I do.

 

Blessings, Lorraine  

 

720-258-5963 or lorrainebanfield@msn.com

 

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change

 

 

 

 

 

 

No BMW's or Helicopters to the Summit

I was watching a PSB program recently about two professors from Colorado State University, now both in their 80's, who still teach, coach and take students and others on hikes in the high country of the Rocky Mountains.  I found these men both inspiring and entertaining.  One of them told those he teaches, coaches or takes on hikes that he has only one rule - No BMW's!  My immediate thought was a sleek, German built luxury car, but then he said, "No Bitching, Moaning or Whining!"  He said he told his students and others that if they wanted to make the grade, win the game or make it to the summit of the mountain then they would have to refrain from this negative talking and thinking.  I totally agree and now have added this mantra to my own self talk and teach it to others as well.  I also added another one - No Helicopters to the Summit!  Most of us, of course, understand the first one but what does this other one really mean? 

Well, a helicopter to the summit means taking a short cut to the top of something that challenges you.  Examples could be cheating on a test, lying about your work or life experience, stealing someone else's idea and presenting it as your own, using drugs and alcohol to make yourself feel better or it could be something much more subtle. 

As a life coach I work with people who want solid, successful and loving relationships, but many of them resist the work and time it takes to become the kind of person who can actually do this.  Divorce and the break-up of long term relationships is common, but what is not as common is taking the time to deal with what happened, what your part in it was and what YOU need to do to keep this from happening again. 

BMW's are Part of the Blame Game

I meet people all the time who are what one writer called divorce burn outs - people who have been divorced for several years but who are still talking about their ex spouses as if they were the man or woman from Hell.  These are the BMW talkers, they talk regularly about their ex partner without ever taking any personal responsibility for what happened.  

Helicopters to the Summit are Fantasy Trips

The other kind of person I meet are people who want to avoid the work and responsibility of their failed relationships or other life challenges and simply decide to take a helicopter to the summit.  I know a woman who one  week after moving out from a seven year relationship was online looking for a new man and within three months she had met one and he moved in with her.  He too, of course, was recently divorced from his second marriage and looking for a helicopter to the fantasy of love and romance. They told me they were in love and asked me if I believed in love at first sight.  I told them that I believed in attraction at first sight but that love was a different matter.  They, of course, ignored me. 

Life is Challenging - You are Responsible for Your Challenges

Successful people meet the challenges of life by taking actions to meet those challenges not by bitching, moaning whining and blaming others or trying to avoid the hard work,disappointment and responsibility by taking a fantasy trip to the summit of their desires.

Successful people also use the resources available to them such as a professional who can help them meet these challenges and that's what I do.  So if something in your life is encouraging you to bitch, moan, whine and blame others or a fantasy trip is tempting you,  then give me a call. I would love to hear from you. 

Blessings, Lorraine

Phone - 720-258-5963 - Email - lorrainebanfield@msn.com

You have to see if to make it happen and you have to take action to make it real

 

Time to Review, Reflect and Rivise

Human beings are essentially farmers - we grow things, from ourselves to our relationships, our children, our work and our communities, even our world.  And winter is the perfect time to take a close look at what we have grown the past year.  Instead of the conventional idea of New Years Resolutions why not do a Review, Reflect and Revise process.  Using your day planner, whether it is paper or digital take a look at what you did or did not do this past year.  If you do not use a day planner - this is a terrific time to start. 

Review - What Grew and What Languished on the Vine Last Year?

First list the things you are most proud of doing and growing this past year.  Then list your basic tasks and responsibilities - give yourself a grade for these.  For example if you went to work on time, did your job well and felt good about your efforts then give yourself an A.  But if you went to work on time every day but were miserable and wanted to quit most of the time then maybe you earned only a C or less.

Then list those things you said yes to and are proud of - but also list those things you said no to and felt the same.  But also list those things you said yes or no to but did not feel good about it.  Then list the challenges you faced and what you did or did not do about them.  Some of these things languished on the vine and some are still there waiting for your attention.  Make sure you put these on your list of what needs to be revised.

Reflect - Then Take Some Time to Think About Actions Last Year

All successful farmers use the winter months to review and reflect on how their crops turned out the previous year and to make revision for the coming year.  They ask themselves what needs to change, what needs to be nurtured and tended to and what is doing fine with no revisions. It's important to look at those things you gave yourself less than an A on and think about how you can either improve or eliminate them.  In addition, the successful famer uses resources at their disposal such as reading proactive books, taking a class, or finding a mentor to help them become more successful in their work. 

Revise - Make a Plan of Revision - An Action Plan

In order to grow and become more successful in your own work and life you too, like a conventional farmer, will  need to review, reflect and then revise as well.  This revision becomes your Action Plan for the coming year.  Type it up and put it somewhere that you can see it every day.  Refer back to it during the year and make sure you are taking action to grow your life. 

BTW, if you find that this process uncovers things you feel challenged to do own your own, consider hiring a life coach with this focus.  I do this kind of work myself and would love to hear your story and see if we hit it off.  All you have to do is either call me or email me.  


Blessings,  Lorraine

You have to see it to make it happen and take action to make it real

 

720-258-5963 - lorrainebanfield@msn.com

Become A Beacon for Beauty

It's Thanksgiving week and most of us will stop and say a few words of gratitude on Thursday and that is a beautiful thing to do, but I would like to suggest a way to increase the level of gratitude we feel on a daily basis.  I call it becoming a beacon of beauty.  I like the idea of becoming a beacon, a light that shines out onto others to guide them into beauty and tranquility.  Because truly, beauty is what we all seek, so this Thanksgiving begin this process and see what beauty shows up in your life and of course in the life of others.

Here are five things you can do to shine your light out there now...

1. Make a conscious decision to notice the beauty around you
2. Mention this beauty out loud to those around you - even if they are strangers
3. Begin a Beauty Journal - At bedtime, write down what beauty you have seen that day 
4. Create something beautiful yourself
5. Share your creation with others

Start with these or come up with ones yourself.  I leave you with this quote...

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting...Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I wish you beauty and blessings,

Lorraine

The Payoff Vs the Price of Not Doing

As a life guide and psychological consultant I often work with people who are challenged with something in their life and when I suggest ways for them to change this, many times they will say, "I know, I know but.."  Then they tell me they know better but there is something holding them back.  In my experience this something takes the form of two things - they get a payoff for not acting and they fear the loss of something if they do act. 

What I ask them to do then is to take a deep look at what their payoff is - in other words what are they getting for not acting.  I then I ask them to look at what they fear they may lose if they do act.  At this point, I ask them to sit quietly and reflect on how they might take baby steps to begin the process of acting on what they fear and how the payoff is holding them back from authentic living.  My experience tells me that these payoffs and the price people are often willing to pay come from three areas of life; work, relationships and pleasurable habits and behaviors.  May of these can then have long term negative consequences.     

 

Some Payoffs for Knowing But Not Doing

Career and Work Challenges:

• It keeps the peace and lets you remain in your comfort zone
• It pays the bills
• It lets you live in a nice house and drive a new car
• It's favored by your family and friends
• It fits who you say and tell yourself you are
• It makes you look good and has credibility and prestige

Relationship Challenges:

• It keeps the peace and lets you remain in your comfort zone
• It's what your family, friends and even society thinks is the proper way to live
• It makes you look like a good citizen of your community
• Your kids will love and respect you if you don't disturb the relationship
• You are not alone and are engaged in the world in a way that is seen as normal

Negative Behaviors or Habits:

• It feels good and you love doing it
• It's acceptable - everybody does it
• Even though you have read the data on it being negative - you ignore this data
• You feel you have to have something to relieve the pressure of life and this is it

Some Prices You May Pay For Not Doing

• The great unknown - you don't know what will happen if you do what you know you should do
• You fear you'll go broke and lose your house, your partner and the good life you now have
• You believe you'll be alone and broke forever
• You imagine your family and friends will disown/abandon you
• You see yourself as embarrassed and a major failure

Of course we all have our unique fears and our unique payoffs for putting off doing what we say we know we should do.  This then is one of the areas of psychological consulting I do, so if you keep giving yourself the yes. but excuse maybe it's time to get some help with this.  I would love to help you, so someone you know who is currently struggling with this challenge.  I would love to help you or your friend.  All you have to do is send me a quick email at lorrainebanfield@msn.com or call me at 720-258-5963.  I look forward to hearing from you. 

Blessings, Lorraine  

Debunking The I Know Better Myth

When I am working with people on some challenge, problem or issue I often find myself saying something to them that elicits the response, "I know, I know, but.."  and they tell me that they know better than to do this thing or that they actually need to do it, and then they go into all the reasons they keep doing it or don't do it that would clean up, cure or eliminate the problem or concern.  They know better, they say but in truth, they do not know better or they would fix it, whatever it is.  What I tell them is that they know better intellectually but for some reason they have not actually learned the lesson yet.  In other words, they have not put their so called knowing into practice.  I ask them then to look at and reflect on what is holding them back, because in all these situations, there is some kind of a payoff for doing or not doing whatever it is and this is what is holding them back - the payoff.  
 

Here Are Some Payoffs for Knowing But Not Doing

• It keeps the peace and lets you stay in your comfort zone
• It pays the bills and has little or no risk
• It let's you live in a nice house and drive a new car
• It's favored by your friends, family and neighborhood
• It fits who you say and tell yourself you are
• It's fun and feels good - at least in the moment
• It makes you look good and has credibility and prestige
• It gives you time to think and reflect and take stock on your life

Of course, when you look at this list, except for the last one, what you will see is that it's all about risk and fear of that risk.  When people look at the idea of doing or not doing something they "know" they should or should not do, the reason they do not act is that they fear they will lose something or it will cost them something they value want in their life. 

It could be your marriage, career, life style, or where and how you live.  It could be the fear that your children won't love you or care for you later on, if you get tough with them now and hold the line on their behavior.  It could be anything. 






What we all need to do when we are struggling to meet a life challenge that you feel you know, but have concerns with what it will cost you to act, it is time stop and take stock and review your life and begin to take some baby steps to move in the direction you really want to go. 

This is the work I do with folks and I would love to help you - so give me a call and let's get busy moving you along to the place you "know" you want to be. 








Blessings, Lorraine

720-258-5963




www.lorrainebanfield.com

Email:  lorrainebanfield@msn.com

Doing Some Magic Today

When I look around me and see all the beauty and grandeur that is the natural world I can't help but believe in the idea that something magical created it all.  But magic, like a lot of other concepts, can be used in ways that are just cheap tricks to entertain and amaze us.  I have no use for that kind of magic.  I am talking of the kind of magic that comes when we have a foundation of belief and faith in both ourselves and a higher power that supports the idea of magic.  In other words we have to have done the work of developing our authentic selves and a strong understanding of the workings of the world, especially the idea of a spiritual path, in order for true magic to happen.  In other words if we try to do magic without these and are simply like children asking for everything we see on television or at the local mall, that's not magic, that's like being an enabling permissive parent.

But if you have done the work and have a solid understanding of life and have faith that what you ask for is both good for you and serves more than your own little wants and desires, then I say, ask for it. As the Bible says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will open"

It helps to put this out to the universe as well.  Tell your family what you want, tell your friends and co-workers and put it in your prayers, or meditate on it or chant it if that is part of your spiritual practice.  Write it down and post it on your wall.  Create a vision map with a picture of what you desire and put it in a place of pride in your home or office.  And remember it does not have to be a tangible thing or even just for you.  You may use this kind of magic to help others or to bring something into the world that is more global like world peace or freedom from violence and hate.

So I am putting this magic into the world today- I ask for several new people for me to help with their life challenges.  I seek to help those who are struggling or who are confused or unhappy with the state of their life.  I feel God has gifted me with the tools to help them and I desire to do that as my life's work and my gift to the world.

Blessings and much Magic to you,  Lorraine    

Failure is Your Opportunity to Re-think Your Path

One of the things about failure is that we don't usually fail where we are celebrated.  When we are on the right path for us we are almost always celebrated and valued.  When we fail this is a sign to re-think our path.  I used to tell people that failure was their opportunity to start again more intelligently, a quote from Henry ford. But it has occurred to me recently that this may not be the best advice because it implies that all you need to do, is do a better job, a more intelligent job of whatever it is that you have failed at - it's an ego idea and not a soul one.  This seems logical for someone like Ford, an engineer and industrialist who chose his path and stuck to it his whole life. His path, although it had its ups and downs and wrong turns and in many people's view of him he may have strayed off his path but he died a millionaire many times over and so he is often cited as a big success.  But is money and fame the only motivators to a life well lived?  I don't think so. I prefer the philosophy of Joseph Campbell who said, "Follow your bliss."

What I now see, and this philosophy has been building over time for me and my work, is that when we are on the right path for us, things mostly work out and we do not have much failure in our lives. But that when we do, when we feel either miserable or just slogging away, we need to look at it and say, wait a minute, am I going in the right direction for me?  Is this failure or misery a message to make a course correction rather than to double my efforts and put my nose to the grindstone?  Now, I am not saying that life does not have its detours and road blocks - it does, but each of these is a lesson to be learned and that lesson may not be to work harder or smarter, but a message to make sure you are on the right path.

James Hillman wrote a book called The Soul's Code in which he says we are all called to a particular path and that when we are on this path and attending to the tasks and challenges it presents to us, we will feel we are going in the right direction and that the failures and accidents that happen to us along the way are messages from our soul to take some time to look at this and see what it means for us personally.  He says, "The idea is to look at the accident or injury or disturbance, as a potential with some sort of meaning to it."  For me, just working harder at something is not the message, the message is usually deeper and more profound than that.

So the next time you fail at something or feel you are not being successful at something or you simply hate getting up in the morning to go do whatever it is, take some time and reflect on the path you are on.  Is it the right one for you?  Does it feel right on a soul level? Does it bring you a sense of purpose?  Does it provide you with what you need in this life to feel your life has meaning and you are doing what you are  here to do?

If what your path is providing is a means to an end but your daily life is not much fun and you don't find much meaning or purpose in it except making a living, then I suggest taking some time and reflecting on what your bliss might be.  I welcome your comments and hope you are having a blissful time or at least a growing and learning one.

Blessings, Lorraine 

Don't You Think it's Time to Pimp Your Grits?

I love the idea of pimping my grits - you might wonder where in the world this idea came from and what it means.  I see it as a metaphor for changing or adding to some long standing situation, belief or activity in your life, in other words opening yourself up to new ideas and new ways of doing things.

What Do Yankees know?  Well, Maybe More Than I Gave Them Credit For

I grew up in the south, first South Carolina until I was ten and then we moved to Georgia where I ate grits for breakfast almost every day of my life - the same way each time.  Hot with butter and eggs, sometimes with bacon or sausage and homemade biscuits.  That's the way my mama prepared breakfast and I ate it up.  Later as an adult when I ate grits, that's how I cooked them as well.  It never occurred to me to eat them in any other way, in fact when I still lived in Atlanta new people would show up, people from up north as we would say,  and they would put sugar and milk on their grits as if it were cereal. All us Georgia Crackers simply called them Yankees and laughed at them.

Then one day I happened to watch a PBS show called A Chef's Life about a woman and her husband who worked in NYC as chefs.  Then out of the blue they got a call from her parents who offered to set them up in a restaurant of their own - but as she says, there was a catch, they had to open it in eastern North Carolina where she was from and had sworn never to return.  She had decided that her grits would be cooked in NYC and she would not be doing any pimping of her grits - until she got an offer she could not refuse.

Old Fashioned Grits Tastes Good but So Does Adding Some Wonderful New Ingredients 

Then one night she decided to run a new item on her menu - Pimping Your Grits.  Her whole show is based on the idea of re-inventing, if you will, all these southern favorites with new twists on them. I had seen others and tried them so I decided to try this one as well.  This recipe, of course, was way outside the box of my mama's grits, but it occurred to me that in truth, I was bored with the old school girts I usually ate.  As I watched her prepare one of these dishes, I said to myself, why not?  I like all the things she used in the recipe and so the next day, I made the recipe for myself.  OMG that dish was scrumptious and out of this world delicious!

Cooking Up Some New Grits Might Just Be the Ticket 

I'm using a cooking metaphor here but any change or addition to something you now do or believe in, is on the menu for today - think about it.  What could you change or add to your life that might pimp your grits, might just be the thing that brings some new energy into your life.  I'd love to hear back from you if you decide to do this.  Meanwhile here is the recipe for grits in a whole new way.

Cheesy Apple Grits

2 cups of cooked grits - use the five minute variety and use the instructions on the package
4 apples cored,  peeled and sliced - I used Gala apples but most any will do
1/4 - 1/2 cup sugar to taste - check after the first three minutes
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Zest of one lemon
5 strips of cooked bacon - crumpled
1 cup Monterey Jack or White Cheddar - grated

Cook the sliced apples with the sugar, lemon juice and zest in the microwave for three minute intervals - check after each interval - I cooked mine for 9 minutes - until the apples are soft and the liquid is syrupy.

Put the cooked grits in a medium size shallow glass baking dish.  Layer the rest starting with the bacon, then the cooked apples, then the grated cheese.

These grits can be eaten for lunch or as a side dish with other meals.  If you serve it for dinner and it gets a little bit cold, then microwave it for 1 - 2 minutes to melt the cheese and keep it hot.

Enjoy,  Lorraine

Only Fools Rush In - But Maybe they Know Something We Need to Learn

This past weeked I went to see the movie, My Name is Doris, starring Sally Field.  I had seen an interview with Field on the Charlie Rose show the past week so I was excited to see this movie. It was about an older woman who falls in love with a younger man.  As I sat through the movie I both laughed and cried but when it was over, I had a feeling that disturbed me.  I felt the writers and the producers had made fun of Doris and as I told my friend who went with me, it felt like they made her look foolish.  She wore these outlandish clothes, had cat eye classes and wore her hair in a kind of Bridgett Bardo hair style long since out of style.  Being a woman of a certain age myself, I am sensitive to all the jokes and stories about older people - it seems we are often depicted as the butt of jokes and stories and this is something I don't allow in my life.  I value my life in all its ages and stages and have the mantra for everyone, regardless of how old or young they may be we are all valuable.

I felt that a movie that made fun of people my age was not my cup of tea.  But the movie and it's story weighed on me and as I thought about it, I began to see that being a fool or acting in what some might see as being foolish, which is exactly what Doris was doing, may actually be the very thing that jumps starts a new phase in your life.  As the old saying goes, "Only fools fall in love"  Well, Doris fell in love and it was exactly what she needed to do - looking foolish be damned.  

I pondered this and began to look back on the times I had made a fool of myself as well and I had plenty to look at - in fact, what I found was that in many cases the times I had been the most foolish were the times I had in fact learned the most about myself and had moved my life along in a way that staying safe and not acting foolishly would not have done.  In many cases I got my heart broken and I suffered, but the experience deepened me and made me stronger.

So the next time you get an idea to do something a bit outrageous, go for it.  You never know what might happen and that, as it turns out, is what makes life interesting and worthwhile - if we could predict everything and predict it in a way that kept us safe and sound, would we really want to live that life?  I wouldn't.  Life is about living, not about being safe - so try a little foolishness and see where it leads you.

Blessings, Lorraine    





I

You Are Needed for What You Bring

James Hillman, author of the book, The Soul's Code said, "You are needed for what you bring... and...Each person enters the world called."  I love this idea and it is part and parcel of the work I do as a writer and as a advocate for others.  I see it with my grandchildren and in my own children who are busy doing what they are here to do.  I also see myself as called and doing what I am here to do with what I bring.

So today, I ask you, what do you bring to the table and what does the world need from you?  If we are all needed for what we bring then it seems obvious that we should from early on be in the process of figuring this out.  Of course this is a long process and what we bring at one point in our lives may have shifted to the background later on, but in most cases there will be an element of the original in all phases of our life.

But we can get off track and the best way to know that is to take our internal temperature, that is, check out our feelings and ask ourselves how we are doing and how we feel about our lives. The more in tune with our true calling and doing what we are here to do with our lives, then the happier and more satisfied and gratified we will be.

Of course this does not mean that people doing their true calling are never frustrated, depressed or out of sorts - life is filled with challenges and even those who feel called to a particular path experience bad days and bad weather, just like the rest of us.  In fact, Maslow, another great thinker, came up with what he called The Hierarchy of Needs,which says that as soon as you meet one set of needs, restlessness will set in and you will then want to then move up the hierarchy and meet the next higher challenge.  In this way, we are always moving, growing and learning.  Here's a link to Maslow's work http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

Once you check in with your feelings and look at where you are on Maslow's hierarchy of needs then make sure you are on the right path for you.  Your feelings will in most cases let you know if you are on the right path soul wise, but it will not necessarily tell you which path is right for you.  That might take some time and analysis of your life up to this point.  A good way to start is with your basic temperament - we all come to this life with a basic temperament.  The Keirsey Temperament sorter is a good way to begin.  A free test for this is available at http://keirsey.com/sorter/register.aspx.

Doing this kind of work is exciting, energizing and inspiring but it can at times be frustrating and confusing.  If this is how you experience this process and would like some help, I see this kind of work my calling and so I would love to help you.  Just call me at 720-258-5963 or just shoot me an email at lorrainebanfield@msn.,com.  I'm here to help.

Blessings. Lorraine 

Same Lesson - New Chapter

Years ago when I was still working in the business world I had this horrific boss - she did everything in her power to undermine me and cause me to feel stressed and frustrated.  Finally I called the church I was then attending and asked if they had any counselors on staff. The pastor recommended this wonderful woman who helped me to see my part in why this was happening to me.  I only saw her for a few times before it became apparent to me that the only way for me to feel good about my work was to find a job where I was doing the work I was here to do using my gifts and talents and one where I was respected and valued by those I reported to as well as those I worked with.  Within a short time I had that kind of job and I always thought of her as a miracle worker.  At the same time I remembered something she said to me and it has helped me in many other life challenges along the way.  She said, " You know Lorraine, as soon as you get this lesson these kinds of people will quit showing up in your life."  She told me that difficult people and difficult situations come into our lives to teach us something and it is our job to figure out what that is.  She called this life lessons and let me know that I would continue to attract this lesson, in the form of these kinds of people, until I had learned whatever this lesson was for me.

Figure Out the Lesson - It's all ABout You

So I figured out that I needed to respect and value myself first and foremost and look for indications from new jobs and new friends along the way that they agreed with me or that they didn't.  I thought I was done with this lesson and then one day a new challenge showed up.  But it was different - it wasn't about mean and nasty bosses or difficult friends - it was a whole different situation.  That's when I remember her also saying, "By the way, these lessons come in many disguises and many different situations, but they all have a common theme and a common denominator and that is you and what is it that you need to learn."

Yes, But...

This happens a lot with my therapy practice - it comes in the form of Yes, but...it's not their fault, it's just that this or that person or situation is in the way of whatever it is that they want or need to have happen so they will be happy and satisfied with life.  But life is about learning and growing not just having a life of pleasure and comfort.  It's like the old quote from Robert Browning, "Your reach should exceed your grasp or what's a heaven for."  So I ask you today, what chapter are you on in the book of you?  What lesson are you working on?  What challenge are you now facing that is about something you need to learn?

Examine Old Lessons for Clues to The New Lesson 

A good way to do this is to go back to some old lesson, one that you feel you learned and is at least five years old and see what you think the core lesson was and ask yourself, "What is in my current situation that is similar and that is testing me again? and what did I learn then that I can apply now to this new challenge?"

Ask for Help If You Feel You Need it - I Did

But if you feel stumped, as I did back years ago, then ask for some help.  Maybe you too need a "miracle worker" to help you.  But remember, "Oz never did gave the Tin Man anything he didn't already have."  All the miracle worker does is shine the light on what's already there waiting to be discovered.  I can help you discover that.

Blessings, Lorraine 

Thinking about the Meaning of Easter

Whether you are Christian or Muslim or not even religious at all, you can't help but see all the signs of Easter all around you.  What I notice is how colorful and hopeful this holiday makes me feel.

When I was a kid we went to church, I was after all born and raised in the south and going to church was at that time and place part of the culture.  What I remember most was how we always, no matter how low on funds we might be, and we were often barely scraping the barrel, my mother always managed to get us all, there were five of us girls, all of us, a new Easter outfit.  I also had three brothers but I don't think they cared much about new clothes.  So it was a new dress, new shoes, a  new hat, yes, we wore hats back then. My favorite was a yellow dotted Swiss dress, black patent leather shoes and a white lacy hat with yellow daisies on it, I even wore white gloves to complete the outfit.  I felt like the pretties girl in church.

Back then it was about Jesus rising from the dead and becoming our Savior.  I wasn't sure I believed that but what I did believe was in the idea of renewal and I still do.  Now when I see all the Easter colors and think about that time, I think of hope, of renewal, of things growing and blooming but I also think about the idea of resurrection and wonder what in our lives can we resurrect and bring back to life?  During the winter we may have lain fallow - not done much in terms of new growth or fulfilling our promise.  I like the idea that all of life is a life/death/life process - new life comes when we clean out and discard that which no longer serves us or the greater good.  So for this Easter season, why not think about and do something about what needs to grow in your life and get rid of those things that need to be eliminated.

I leave you with this quote, "We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden."  -Johann Wolfgang von Goether

Blessings this Easter and always, Lorraine 

Give Yourself Room to Grow - Re-Pot Yourself this Spring

We are all in some ways living as potted plants.  We live in a family, we live in a neighborhood, we live in a job; in all of these we are more or less potted in that place.  But in order to grow we must, from time to time, like a plant that outgrows its pot, we need to be replanted.  Now this does not mean we have to move out of our neighborhood or get a new job or leave our family, but it does mean we need to expand ourselves or we will grow root bound.  Spring is the perfect time to do this.  Below are five things you can do to re-pot yourself. 

1. Do something creative this week.  Being creative opens up the mind and the spirit.  You don't have to paint a masterpiece or write a best seller to be creative.  Bake some muffins, buy or pick some flowers and arrange them in a vase.  Re-arrange the furniture in your living room or bedroom, write a poem, take some photos and post them on Facebook or print them out and give them away.
2. Take a walk in nature without your headphones.  We are bombarded on a daily basis with input from the media - it's hard to think and really be yourself with all that technology telling you what to do and what to think.  Simply going for a walk and letting nature in, the sights, the sounds and the feel of it, is soothing to the soul.  nature is the great un-potted.  Tress and plants grow where they are panted by the wind and are nurtured by the sun and the rain.  The birds and animals are the same - if we take time each day or as often as possible to be like them, this will go along way to re-potting our own lives. 
3. Pay it forward.  Most of us live in a world of abundance, even if we don't really think we do.  Whatever you have in abundance, you can afford to give some of it away.  Is it time? Is it energy?  Is it a helping hand, a smile, a humorous comment, a compliment, a kind word or two, your expertise, a donation to a charity you admire.  Is it some of your stuff.  Most of us have a lot of stuff, stuff we don't use - make a donation to someone or some group of the stuff you no longer use.  Maybe what you have in abundance is love - find someone who has little love in their life and give them some of yours.  Sometimes what you give is some humility - you keep quiet when saying something would only lead to more conflict.  Sometimes paying it forward means taking a stand and standing your ground when something is important and needs support.  Paying it forward means being thankful for what we have in abundance and sharing it with others.  And of course, if you need any help with any of this, please give me a call at 720-258-5963 or shoot me a quick email at lorrainebanfield@msn.com
4. Read a new kind of book or watch a television show or go to a movie that is not your typical fare.  If you always read or watch mysteries, romances or comedies, then try something different.  Ask a friend what they read or watch.  Go on Goodreads and see what is getting a lot of buzz.  Make sure the book or show is of high quality and not just mind candy - that usually won't have the effect of shifting your perspective which is the idea behind re-potting yourself. 
5. Listen, really listen to your self-talk.  Most of us have a running dialog with ourselves that is mindless and unconscious - it's what one writer called Musak of the mind - it's there but barely conscious, like the music that is played in stores and restaurants.  Get a little pocket size notebook and record what you hear yourself saying.  What is the theme?  Do this for several days and then sit down and reflect on what you heard.  Ask yourself if your inner dialog is on your side or on your case?  If it's on your side it will be forgiving and supportive and if it's on your case it will be negative and often harsh.  What you want to do is keep the positive and turn down the negative - get into the habit of disputing negative self talk.   

Spring is coming - take this time to think about the idea of re-potting yourself so you can grow even bigger and better than you are now.  These five ideas will get you started...let me know what happens, I welcome feedback. 

Blessings, Lorraine



Put a Little Magic, Mystery and Romance into Life

There's something about Fall that makes me think of magic, mystery and romance.  Maybe it's the leaves turning yellow, gold, red and orange.  How does it happen?  Why does it happen?  What makes it happen?  Of course, there is a scientific answer to these questions, but for me, these answers leave me feeling unconnected to anything other than cold hard science.  I prefer a more spiritual way of viewing life. Fall reminds me to pay attention to how I name things, how mystery is a beautiful thing even though we don't understand it and how putting a little romance in our lives can bring unexpected rewards.

The Magic of Naming

One of the ways to bring some magic into your life is to think about the idea of naming as magic.  When we name something we give it a flavor, a description, a way of being looked at and experienced.  If we name it something that reflects a positive image then we are using magic for good.  If we name it something negative or bland then we are using magic to bring about more negativity or blandness to our lives.  If we have done that in some area of our lives, then today is a good day to change that.  As the fall leaves change color and bring beauty to our world, so too you bring some beauty to yours by naming or re-naming something in a positive way.  I use the word perfect a lot - not in a perfectionist way - but in a way that makes me feel good about my life.

Here is an example.  I hurt me knee last winter and since then I have had trouble getting down onto the floor. I found cleaning my bathtub a problem.  But I came up with a solution.  I went to the Dollar Store and bought a long handled sponge mop -it cost a dollar - that in itself was perfect.  I then sprinkled Comet around the tub and used the mop to clean it - it worked perfectly!  It took only a few minutes, it didn't require me to get down on my hands and knees and when I was finished, I said to myself, "Perfect, that was prefect!  I re-named it from a chore that hurt my knee to one that made me feel like a genius.  You can do this too - find something you have named an ugly name and find a way to do it differently so you can re-name it in a way that makes you feel like a genius as well.

Allowing for the Mystery of Life

We live in a world of solutions and how to do things.  Everywhere we look from the morning paper, to our computer's home page to Facebook we are bombarded with what to do, where to do it and what the consequences will be if we fail to do it - whatever it is.  Even this blog is about that.  But we live in a mysterious world, regardless of what the scientists tell us. Sometimes we just don't know why things happen or what we should do about them.  Sometimes we simply need to trust in a higher power or simply in the idea that we can't know everything.

Here is an example.  I know someone who applied for a job last year. She had all the qualifications, she did a phone interview where she was asked all these questions - this interview took about three quarters of an hour.  Then she got called for an in person interview and she again answered a ton of questions and believed she had done an excellent job of answering them.  She was then called in for a final interview and she felt she did great on that one too.  She felt very certain that she was going to get offered this job.  But three weeks went by and she heard nothing.  Finally wrote and ask them what happened.  They said they were not going to hire her based on the feedback from the team.  They did not say they hired a more qualified candidate or one that suited them more.  She was mystified.  She wondered what in the world she had done to make the team not like her.  She reviewed all her answers and how she had answered them and she simply could not figure it out.  Eventually she let it go and simply trusted that the right thing WOULD come along.  Then one day about six months later an opportunity presented itself that was far and away better than this job would ever have been for her.  She still could not figure out how this all came about, but what she knew was that she trusted that something had prevented her from getting that job and now she could take advantage of this new thing.  It was a mystery she simply accepted and moved into the new thing with an open and thankful heart.  Is there some mystery in your life that you need to accept so you can move into something better for you?  Think about it.

Romancing Your Life

To me, romance is like decorating - you put some color, some spice, some flourishes, some embellishments, some beauty into your life just as you would in decorating your home.  My daughter is in the midst of doing a major re-decorating project for her home.  Her teenage son asked me the other day why she was doing this. He said the old furniture and furnishings worked just fine.  He didn't understand why she was going to so much trouble.  I told him that this is what women do - we build nests because women by nature want to have a  home that is not only comfortable but beautiful so that the people who live there with her will be happy and will stay there with her.  I told him it was in our DNA.  She is romancing her home and it is turning out beautifully.  But you can romance your life in other ways as well.  It's simply a matter of paying attention and adding a few romantic things to the mix.

You can romance you image.  Let's say you are all business  You wear practical clothes with little regard for style or color and have a wash and wear hairstyle.  By the way, this can work for men as well as women. Then one day you look at yourself in the mirror and what you see bores you.  It's time to romance that image.  Get a new haircut, color your hair, buy some new more stylish clothes, wear earrings, if you're a woman, shave off that 70's mustache if you're a man,  pick a color or a special item of clothing and make it your signature.  Remember, what was romantic the first few times becomes hackneyed and old a few years down the road.   Putting some romance into your life means keeping it fresh and updated, no matte what it is, that's what makes it romantic.

So today as you go through your day, think about what you can name or re-name is a positive and uplifting way.  How can you let go of some mysterious event or situation and trust in a higher power to take care of you and last put a little romance into your life by adding some beauty and spice to it.  I'll bet you'll be glad you did.

Blessings, Lorraine