Only Fools Rush In - But Maybe they Know Something We Need to Learn

This past weeked I went to see the movie, My Name is Doris, starring Sally Field.  I had seen an interview with Field on the Charlie Rose show the past week so I was excited to see this movie. It was about an older woman who falls in love with a younger man.  As I sat through the movie I both laughed and cried but when it was over, I had a feeling that disturbed me.  I felt the writers and the producers had made fun of Doris and as I told my friend who went with me, it felt like they made her look foolish.  She wore these outlandish clothes, had cat eye classes and wore her hair in a kind of Bridgett Bardo hair style long since out of style.  Being a woman of a certain age myself, I am sensitive to all the jokes and stories about older people - it seems we are often depicted as the butt of jokes and stories and this is something I don't allow in my life.  I value my life in all its ages and stages and have the mantra for everyone, regardless of how old or young they may be we are all valuable.

I felt that a movie that made fun of people my age was not my cup of tea.  But the movie and it's story weighed on me and as I thought about it, I began to see that being a fool or acting in what some might see as being foolish, which is exactly what Doris was doing, may actually be the very thing that jumps starts a new phase in your life.  As the old saying goes, "Only fools fall in love"  Well, Doris fell in love and it was exactly what she needed to do - looking foolish be damned.  

I pondered this and began to look back on the times I had made a fool of myself as well and I had plenty to look at - in fact, what I found was that in many cases the times I had been the most foolish were the times I had in fact learned the most about myself and had moved my life along in a way that staying safe and not acting foolishly would not have done.  In many cases I got my heart broken and I suffered, but the experience deepened me and made me stronger.

So the next time you get an idea to do something a bit outrageous, go for it.  You never know what might happen and that, as it turns out, is what makes life interesting and worthwhile - if we could predict everything and predict it in a way that kept us safe and sound, would we really want to live that life?  I wouldn't.  Life is about living, not about being safe - so try a little foolishness and see where it leads you.

Blessings, Lorraine    





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You Are Needed for What You Bring

James Hillman, author of the book, The Soul's Code said, "You are needed for what you bring... and...Each person enters the world called."  I love this idea and it is part and parcel of the work I do as a writer and as a advocate for others.  I see it with my grandchildren and in my own children who are busy doing what they are here to do.  I also see myself as called and doing what I am here to do with what I bring.

So today, I ask you, what do you bring to the table and what does the world need from you?  If we are all needed for what we bring then it seems obvious that we should from early on be in the process of figuring this out.  Of course this is a long process and what we bring at one point in our lives may have shifted to the background later on, but in most cases there will be an element of the original in all phases of our life.

But we can get off track and the best way to know that is to take our internal temperature, that is, check out our feelings and ask ourselves how we are doing and how we feel about our lives. The more in tune with our true calling and doing what we are here to do with our lives, then the happier and more satisfied and gratified we will be.

Of course this does not mean that people doing their true calling are never frustrated, depressed or out of sorts - life is filled with challenges and even those who feel called to a particular path experience bad days and bad weather, just like the rest of us.  In fact, Maslow, another great thinker, came up with what he called The Hierarchy of Needs,which says that as soon as you meet one set of needs, restlessness will set in and you will then want to then move up the hierarchy and meet the next higher challenge.  In this way, we are always moving, growing and learning.  Here's a link to Maslow's work http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html

Once you check in with your feelings and look at where you are on Maslow's hierarchy of needs then make sure you are on the right path for you.  Your feelings will in most cases let you know if you are on the right path soul wise, but it will not necessarily tell you which path is right for you.  That might take some time and analysis of your life up to this point.  A good way to start is with your basic temperament - we all come to this life with a basic temperament.  The Keirsey Temperament sorter is a good way to begin.  A free test for this is available at http://keirsey.com/sorter/register.aspx.

Doing this kind of work is exciting, energizing and inspiring but it can at times be frustrating and confusing.  If this is how you experience this process and would like some help, I see this kind of work my calling and so I would love to help you.  Just call me at 720-258-5963 or just shoot me an email at lorrainebanfield@msn.,com.  I'm here to help.

Blessings. Lorraine 

Same Lesson - New Chapter

Years ago when I was still working in the business world I had this horrific boss - she did everything in her power to undermine me and cause me to feel stressed and frustrated.  Finally I called the church I was then attending and asked if they had any counselors on staff. The pastor recommended this wonderful woman who helped me to see my part in why this was happening to me.  I only saw her for a few times before it became apparent to me that the only way for me to feel good about my work was to find a job where I was doing the work I was here to do using my gifts and talents and one where I was respected and valued by those I reported to as well as those I worked with.  Within a short time I had that kind of job and I always thought of her as a miracle worker.  At the same time I remembered something she said to me and it has helped me in many other life challenges along the way.  She said, " You know Lorraine, as soon as you get this lesson these kinds of people will quit showing up in your life."  She told me that difficult people and difficult situations come into our lives to teach us something and it is our job to figure out what that is.  She called this life lessons and let me know that I would continue to attract this lesson, in the form of these kinds of people, until I had learned whatever this lesson was for me.

Figure Out the Lesson - It's all ABout You

So I figured out that I needed to respect and value myself first and foremost and look for indications from new jobs and new friends along the way that they agreed with me or that they didn't.  I thought I was done with this lesson and then one day a new challenge showed up.  But it was different - it wasn't about mean and nasty bosses or difficult friends - it was a whole different situation.  That's when I remember her also saying, "By the way, these lessons come in many disguises and many different situations, but they all have a common theme and a common denominator and that is you and what is it that you need to learn."

Yes, But...

This happens a lot with my therapy practice - it comes in the form of Yes, but...it's not their fault, it's just that this or that person or situation is in the way of whatever it is that they want or need to have happen so they will be happy and satisfied with life.  But life is about learning and growing not just having a life of pleasure and comfort.  It's like the old quote from Robert Browning, "Your reach should exceed your grasp or what's a heaven for."  So I ask you today, what chapter are you on in the book of you?  What lesson are you working on?  What challenge are you now facing that is about something you need to learn?

Examine Old Lessons for Clues to The New Lesson 

A good way to do this is to go back to some old lesson, one that you feel you learned and is at least five years old and see what you think the core lesson was and ask yourself, "What is in my current situation that is similar and that is testing me again? and what did I learn then that I can apply now to this new challenge?"

Ask for Help If You Feel You Need it - I Did

But if you feel stumped, as I did back years ago, then ask for some help.  Maybe you too need a "miracle worker" to help you.  But remember, "Oz never did gave the Tin Man anything he didn't already have."  All the miracle worker does is shine the light on what's already there waiting to be discovered.  I can help you discover that.

Blessings, Lorraine