When I am working with people on some challenge, problem or issue I often find myself saying something to them that elicits the response, "I know, I know, but.." and they tell me that they know better than to do this thing or that they actually need to do it, and then they go into all the reasons they keep doing it or don't do it that would clean up, cure or eliminate the problem or concern. They know better, they say but in truth, they do not know better or they would fix it, whatever it is. What I tell them is that they know better intellectually but for some reason they have not actually learned the lesson yet. In other words, they have not put their so called knowing into practice. I ask them then to look at and reflect on what is holding them back, because in all these situations, there is some kind of a payoff for doing or not doing whatever it is and this is what is holding them back - the payoff.
Here Are Some Payoffs for Knowing But Not Doing
- It keeps the peace and lets you stay in your comfort zone
- It pays the bills and has little or no risk
- It let's you live in a nice house and drive a new car
- It's favored by your friends, family and neighborhood
- It fits who you say and tell yourself you are
- It's fun and feels good - at least in the moment
- It makes you look good and has credibility and prestige
- It gives you time to think and reflect and take stock on your life
Of course, when you look at this list, except for the last one, what you will see is that it's all about risk and fear of that risk. When people look at the idea of doing or not doing something they "know" they should or should not do, the reason they do not act is that they fear they will lose something or it will cost them something they value want in their life.
It could be your marriage, career, life style, or where and how you live. It could be the fear that your children won't love you or care for you later on, if you get tough with them now and hold the line on their behavior. It could be anything.
What we all need to do when we are struggling to meet a life challenge that you feel you know, but have concerns with what it will cost you to act, it is time stop and take stock and review your life and begin to take some baby steps to move in the direction you really want to go.
This is the work I do with folks and I would love to help you - so give me a call and let's get busy moving you along to the place you "know" you want to be.
Blessings, Lorraine
720-258-5963
www.lorrainebanfield.com
Email: lorrainebanfield@msn.com
