Become A Beacon for Beauty

It's Thanksgiving week and most of us will stop and say a few words of gratitude on Thursday and that is a beautiful thing to do, but I would like to suggest a way to increase the level of gratitude we feel on a daily basis.  I call it becoming a beacon of beauty.  I like the idea of becoming a beacon, a light that shines out onto others to guide them into beauty and tranquility.  Because truly, beauty is what we all seek, so this Thanksgiving begin this process and see what beauty shows up in your life and of course in the life of others.

Here are five things you can do to shine your light out there now...

1. Make a conscious decision to notice the beauty around you
2. Mention this beauty out loud to those around you - even if they are strangers
3. Begin a Beauty Journal - At bedtime, write down what beauty you have seen that day 
4. Create something beautiful yourself
5. Share your creation with others

Start with these or come up with ones yourself.  I leave you with this quote...

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything beautiful, for beauty is God's handwriting...Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and I wish you beauty and blessings,

Lorraine

The Payoff Vs the Price of Not Doing

As a life guide and psychological consultant I often work with people who are challenged with something in their life and when I suggest ways for them to change this, many times they will say, "I know, I know but.."  Then they tell me they know better but there is something holding them back.  In my experience this something takes the form of two things - they get a payoff for not acting and they fear the loss of something if they do act. 

What I ask them to do then is to take a deep look at what their payoff is - in other words what are they getting for not acting.  I then I ask them to look at what they fear they may lose if they do act.  At this point, I ask them to sit quietly and reflect on how they might take baby steps to begin the process of acting on what they fear and how the payoff is holding them back from authentic living.  My experience tells me that these payoffs and the price people are often willing to pay come from three areas of life; work, relationships and pleasurable habits and behaviors.  May of these can then have long term negative consequences.     

 

Some Payoffs for Knowing But Not Doing

Career and Work Challenges:

• It keeps the peace and lets you remain in your comfort zone
• It pays the bills
• It lets you live in a nice house and drive a new car
• It's favored by your family and friends
• It fits who you say and tell yourself you are
• It makes you look good and has credibility and prestige

Relationship Challenges:

• It keeps the peace and lets you remain in your comfort zone
• It's what your family, friends and even society thinks is the proper way to live
• It makes you look like a good citizen of your community
• Your kids will love and respect you if you don't disturb the relationship
• You are not alone and are engaged in the world in a way that is seen as normal

Negative Behaviors or Habits:

• It feels good and you love doing it
• It's acceptable - everybody does it
• Even though you have read the data on it being negative - you ignore this data
• You feel you have to have something to relieve the pressure of life and this is it

Some Prices You May Pay For Not Doing

• The great unknown - you don't know what will happen if you do what you know you should do
• You fear you'll go broke and lose your house, your partner and the good life you now have
• You believe you'll be alone and broke forever
• You imagine your family and friends will disown/abandon you
• You see yourself as embarrassed and a major failure

Of course we all have our unique fears and our unique payoffs for putting off doing what we say we know we should do.  This then is one of the areas of psychological consulting I do, so if you keep giving yourself the yes. but excuse maybe it's time to get some help with this.  I would love to help you, so someone you know who is currently struggling with this challenge.  I would love to help you or your friend.  All you have to do is send me a quick email at lorrainebanfield@msn.com or call me at 720-258-5963.  I look forward to hearing from you. 

Blessings, Lorraine  

Debunking The I Know Better Myth

When I am working with people on some challenge, problem or issue I often find myself saying something to them that elicits the response, "I know, I know, but.."  and they tell me that they know better than to do this thing or that they actually need to do it, and then they go into all the reasons they keep doing it or don't do it that would clean up, cure or eliminate the problem or concern.  They know better, they say but in truth, they do not know better or they would fix it, whatever it is.  What I tell them is that they know better intellectually but for some reason they have not actually learned the lesson yet.  In other words, they have not put their so called knowing into practice.  I ask them then to look at and reflect on what is holding them back, because in all these situations, there is some kind of a payoff for doing or not doing whatever it is and this is what is holding them back - the payoff.  
 

Here Are Some Payoffs for Knowing But Not Doing

• It keeps the peace and lets you stay in your comfort zone
• It pays the bills and has little or no risk
• It let's you live in a nice house and drive a new car
• It's favored by your friends, family and neighborhood
• It fits who you say and tell yourself you are
• It's fun and feels good - at least in the moment
• It makes you look good and has credibility and prestige
• It gives you time to think and reflect and take stock on your life

Of course, when you look at this list, except for the last one, what you will see is that it's all about risk and fear of that risk.  When people look at the idea of doing or not doing something they "know" they should or should not do, the reason they do not act is that they fear they will lose something or it will cost them something they value want in their life. 

It could be your marriage, career, life style, or where and how you live.  It could be the fear that your children won't love you or care for you later on, if you get tough with them now and hold the line on their behavior.  It could be anything. 






What we all need to do when we are struggling to meet a life challenge that you feel you know, but have concerns with what it will cost you to act, it is time stop and take stock and review your life and begin to take some baby steps to move in the direction you really want to go. 

This is the work I do with folks and I would love to help you - so give me a call and let's get busy moving you along to the place you "know" you want to be. 








Blessings, Lorraine

720-258-5963




www.lorrainebanfield.com

Email:  lorrainebanfield@msn.com