It could be a job, a relationship, a trip somewhere, a political party we are offered the opportunity to join, or anything that expects or requires us to be less than who we really are at our core in order to fit it.
This happens when we are offered something of value to us but doesn't really fit us and we take this less than what we want thing in spite of this. Usually this happens when we want something we have either not earned or want in spite of the price we are being asked to pay for it.
The Ways We Shrink To Fit
Let's say it's a new job. You go for the interview and it looks good but then they mention something to you in kind of an off hand manner, that is part of the job, but the job looks great in all other ways, so you accept it. But then on the first day of work you are asked to do this one thing that doesn't fit you. Maybe it's some kind of misrepresentation of what the company does - I once got a job with a career consulting company that had a gorgeous front office with a huge conference room looking out onto the mountains, where I met and worked with the clients they assigned me, but on a daily basis I was put into a a tiny, little boxed in cubicle next to the telemarketer who spent all day on the phone selling clients on the work I would do for them. In order to do this job I had to pretend that the front office and the conference room were the true nature of this company, when in reality I had to shrink myself to fit the cramped and noisy little cubicle they put me in. I left after I worked with my first customer, since shrinking to fit is something I simply won't do.
But Maybe It's Not a Job But a Relationship
Sometimes, shrinking to fit comes in the form of a relationship. It could be a romantic relationship or a new friend or neighbor. One of my clients had a neighbor who wanted to be friends with her, but they were not on the same level of education, maturity or lifestyle. My client tried really hard to make this friendship work, but in order to do that she had to shrink to fit this neighbor. The neighbor bitched and moaned about her boyfriend, her grown up children and her job. But my client was happy with her life and didn't bitch and moan about much of anything. Eventually, my client had to put space between her and this woman and was simply unavailable for friendship with her.
Shrinking to Fit Could be a Nice Guy Way of Being
Some of us want to be seen by others as a nice guy or a sweetheart, and in doing this we often have to shrink in order to fit someone else's vision of us. This is actually a self esteem issue. People who like and value themselves don't worry too much about what other people think of them. They hope people like them and respect them but they don't sell their souls to get this. One of my favorite writers, Wayne Dyer said "Self actualized people are independent of the good opinion of others." So if you are playing the role of nice guy or sweetheart in your interactions with others, it is time to take stock and begin to be your true self in the world and stop shrinking to fit anything or anyone. If you think you might be doing this then give me a call as I love to help others find and value their true selves in the world.
Blessings, Lorraine
New Visions - Wellness Within
Lorraine Banfield - Director - Mentor- Educator
720-258-5963
