We All Have Multiple Voices with Competing Needs and Desires - Our Soul's Voices
Some people call this the committee in your head. I call these voices, the voices of your soul, but these voices often do act as a committee. It's the various parts of your personality and they all have important messages to provide you so that you can become a fully functioning individual, what Maslow called a self-actualizing person. The trick is to know which one to listen to and which one you need to tell to take a back seat and shut up, at least in the moment. So how do you know which one to listen to and which one needs to be silenced? Well, it's really not that difficult, once you figure it out, but before that, it may feel like this noisy, out of control, chaotic committee meeting you wish you could get out of attending. But you can't. Not until you figure out which voice has real priority and authority for you and which one is simply a trouble maker. But remember, even the trouble makers have their reasons for being.
Name the Committee Members Using Archetypes
In order to know who which voice to listen to and which one to put on hold, you will need to get to know all the voices and to respect them for what they have to offer you. I like to use the idea of archetypes or character types to name my inner voices. You can use your own ideas for this but here are some examples from the committee that lives in my psyche: Master Sargent, Sassy Sister, Crybaby, Wise One, Sage, Loner, Intellectual Snob, Bag Lady, Wonder Woman, Foolish Franny, Smart Ass, Lost and Confused Lizzy, Funny Girl, Bitchy Witch, Arrogant Annie, Pissed Off Patty, Co-dependent Carol, Control Freak Cathy, Rainbow Mother, Helpful Hanna, Free Spirit, Soulful Sally, Artful Artist and Happy Camper. I'm sure I have others but these are the main ones. Each of these has a place in my psyche and contributes to the development of my self as a whole and functioning individual. Once you name yours, you will see that yours also have a place in your psyche. The challenge is to integrate them in a way that no one voice calls all the shots. The key is balance and order, not chaos and disorder as those who have an actual diagnosed personality disorder will experience.
Body Talk - Three Kinds of Messages
The best way to know if your committee, that is your soul, is in agreement about what you are doing in your life, is to pay attention to your body - it will tell you when things are out of balance. The sure way to know if you are out of balance is to pay attention to your body and your mood. When everything is in balance and all your voices have been heard and paid attention to you will feel a sense of well-being. When you feel otherwise this is a sign of imbalance. I call this your body talk and there are three kinds of negative body talk, anger, depression and physical pain - not necessarily in that order.
Anger - Irritation and Annoyance
Anytime you feel angry or irritated or annoyed, particularly in regard to something you have control over or a say in or could if you chose to change it, even if the change is to simply accept it the way it is, then this is a message from the committee that your life is out of balance in some important way. Now, of course there is justifiable anger - injustice, some kind of violence against you or something happens through no fault of your own, getting angry about it would be normal. But having a short fuse or always getting annoyed with what happens on a daily basis is a message from your committee that you life is out of balance. To paraphrase the Serenity Prayer - Change what you have the power to change and accept what you don't and have the wisdom to know the difference. If you find yourself angry and irritated quite often, then it's time to listen to those voices in your head with more attention to what they may be telling you.
Depression - Disillusionment and Lack of Joy
We live in a world that wants to medicalize and then drug every bad feeling we ever have - this is the medical model and it has high status in our world. In this view of mood, it's all about the brain; brain chemistry, brain disorders, brain malfunctions and brain abnormalities. The message from the media and our culture is, if you fix your brain and therefore your mood, then this will fix your life. But moods, good, bad or ugly come from the soul - not the brain. In his book, Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain, Dr.Elio Frattaroli, M.D says, "Healing—making whole the divided self—comes through experiencing, accepting, and taking responsibility for the dark side of ourselves ...an inward journey of self-discovery in which we allow ourselves to feel what we really feel and so become who we truly are." So the next time you feel down and blue, or have an on-going sense of little joy in your life don't rush off to the doctor for a pill, instead check in with your committee - see what they might be trying to tell you.
Physical Pain - From Chronic to Life Threatening
Of course, if depression doesn't get your full and undivided attention then the committee will get busy putting some physical pain in your body - you may be a functioning depressive, but it's hard to keep functioning when either chronic or life threatening pain lays you low and zaps all your energy, again, if we turn to the medical model, we may get temporary relief, but long term, we need to be checking in with our committee. The model takes the stance that disease comes from the outside and attacks you and so the cure is something from the outside that cures you. But what really happens is the committee, the voices of your soul are in conflict with each other and there is chaos and wild fighting going on in the meeting room of your psyche. What has to happen is the manager of your committee, and that by the way is you, has to ask each of your committee members to come into your office and have a quiet little chat or as happened when my mother was ill with cancer - you choose one or two of your committee and have a private meeting with them and then they will go back to the committee and explain what is going to happen and which way you will be going in terms of healing this pain.
A Metaphorical Example from Real Life
I come from a big family and when my mother had breast cancer, all of us siblings went to the hospital when she was first admitted. We were all in her room, all eight of us - when the doctor came in to ask my mother what she wanted to do. He began by explaining the various options she had. At that point, everyone but my mother started talking at once and asking the doctor questions. I must have asked an intelligent one, because suddenly he held up his hands and pointed at me and said, "You, I will explain this to you and you can explain it to the others. All the rest of you need to leave the room." He then explained the options to me, I explained them to my mother and the three of us came to a consensus as to which treatment option was best for her. I acted as the committee chair and the doctor acted as the authority figure or to use one of my committee member names, he was the Wise One, brought in to give us the options. What this means is that in your own life, as the manager of the committee, you sometimes have to pick one or two or your committee members and ask them to advise you what to do. Later you may go to the rest of the committee and explain your decision to them.
This may sound complicated, but in reality, it's makes a lot of sense and has the effect of making you feel in charge of your life rather than run ragged by all the competing voices in your head. Plus, it's kind of fun and in the long, and even the short run, a very successful way of dealing with your life. It also contributes to your seeing yourself as a multifaceted person, rich with nuance and individuality and not some crazy person. And that, in and of itself, is a soul satisfying way to live.
A Caveat about the Medical Model
BTW, I am not dismissing the medical model as useless and irrelevant, as the example of my mother shows, since once cancer is there, in most cases, it will need to be treated using the medical model. But if the underlying soul issues are denied and dismissed, that is, if you don' t listen to the other voices of your committee and see what they are attempting to tell you, then most likely you will get another serious illness, or become depressed or be filled with anger on a daily basis.
So what are the names of the voices on your committee?
Blessings, Lorraine
In order to know who which voice to listen to and which one to put on hold, you will need to get to know all the voices and to respect them for what they have to offer you. I like to use the idea of archetypes or character types to name my inner voices. You can use your own ideas for this but here are some examples from the committee that lives in my psyche: Master Sargent, Sassy Sister, Crybaby, Wise One, Sage, Loner, Intellectual Snob, Bag Lady, Wonder Woman, Foolish Franny, Smart Ass, Lost and Confused Lizzy, Funny Girl, Bitchy Witch, Arrogant Annie, Pissed Off Patty, Co-dependent Carol, Control Freak Cathy, Rainbow Mother, Helpful Hanna, Free Spirit, Soulful Sally, Artful Artist and Happy Camper. I'm sure I have others but these are the main ones. Each of these has a place in my psyche and contributes to the development of my self as a whole and functioning individual. Once you name yours, you will see that yours also have a place in your psyche. The challenge is to integrate them in a way that no one voice calls all the shots. The key is balance and order, not chaos and disorder as those who have an actual diagnosed personality disorder will experience.
Body Talk - Three Kinds of Messages
The best way to know if your committee, that is your soul, is in agreement about what you are doing in your life, is to pay attention to your body - it will tell you when things are out of balance. The sure way to know if you are out of balance is to pay attention to your body and your mood. When everything is in balance and all your voices have been heard and paid attention to you will feel a sense of well-being. When you feel otherwise this is a sign of imbalance. I call this your body talk and there are three kinds of negative body talk, anger, depression and physical pain - not necessarily in that order.
Anger - Irritation and Annoyance
Anytime you feel angry or irritated or annoyed, particularly in regard to something you have control over or a say in or could if you chose to change it, even if the change is to simply accept it the way it is, then this is a message from the committee that your life is out of balance in some important way. Now, of course there is justifiable anger - injustice, some kind of violence against you or something happens through no fault of your own, getting angry about it would be normal. But having a short fuse or always getting annoyed with what happens on a daily basis is a message from your committee that you life is out of balance. To paraphrase the Serenity Prayer - Change what you have the power to change and accept what you don't and have the wisdom to know the difference. If you find yourself angry and irritated quite often, then it's time to listen to those voices in your head with more attention to what they may be telling you.
Depression - Disillusionment and Lack of Joy
We live in a world that wants to medicalize and then drug every bad feeling we ever have - this is the medical model and it has high status in our world. In this view of mood, it's all about the brain; brain chemistry, brain disorders, brain malfunctions and brain abnormalities. The message from the media and our culture is, if you fix your brain and therefore your mood, then this will fix your life. But moods, good, bad or ugly come from the soul - not the brain. In his book, Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain, Dr.Elio Frattaroli, M.D says, "Healing—making whole the divided self—comes through experiencing, accepting, and taking responsibility for the dark side of ourselves ...an inward journey of self-discovery in which we allow ourselves to feel what we really feel and so become who we truly are." So the next time you feel down and blue, or have an on-going sense of little joy in your life don't rush off to the doctor for a pill, instead check in with your committee - see what they might be trying to tell you.
Physical Pain - From Chronic to Life Threatening
Of course, if depression doesn't get your full and undivided attention then the committee will get busy putting some physical pain in your body - you may be a functioning depressive, but it's hard to keep functioning when either chronic or life threatening pain lays you low and zaps all your energy, again, if we turn to the medical model, we may get temporary relief, but long term, we need to be checking in with our committee. The model takes the stance that disease comes from the outside and attacks you and so the cure is something from the outside that cures you. But what really happens is the committee, the voices of your soul are in conflict with each other and there is chaos and wild fighting going on in the meeting room of your psyche. What has to happen is the manager of your committee, and that by the way is you, has to ask each of your committee members to come into your office and have a quiet little chat or as happened when my mother was ill with cancer - you choose one or two of your committee and have a private meeting with them and then they will go back to the committee and explain what is going to happen and which way you will be going in terms of healing this pain.
A Metaphorical Example from Real Life
I come from a big family and when my mother had breast cancer, all of us siblings went to the hospital when she was first admitted. We were all in her room, all eight of us - when the doctor came in to ask my mother what she wanted to do. He began by explaining the various options she had. At that point, everyone but my mother started talking at once and asking the doctor questions. I must have asked an intelligent one, because suddenly he held up his hands and pointed at me and said, "You, I will explain this to you and you can explain it to the others. All the rest of you need to leave the room." He then explained the options to me, I explained them to my mother and the three of us came to a consensus as to which treatment option was best for her. I acted as the committee chair and the doctor acted as the authority figure or to use one of my committee member names, he was the Wise One, brought in to give us the options. What this means is that in your own life, as the manager of the committee, you sometimes have to pick one or two or your committee members and ask them to advise you what to do. Later you may go to the rest of the committee and explain your decision to them.
This may sound complicated, but in reality, it's makes a lot of sense and has the effect of making you feel in charge of your life rather than run ragged by all the competing voices in your head. Plus, it's kind of fun and in the long, and even the short run, a very successful way of dealing with your life. It also contributes to your seeing yourself as a multifaceted person, rich with nuance and individuality and not some crazy person. And that, in and of itself, is a soul satisfying way to live.
A Caveat about the Medical Model
BTW, I am not dismissing the medical model as useless and irrelevant, as the example of my mother shows, since once cancer is there, in most cases, it will need to be treated using the medical model. But if the underlying soul issues are denied and dismissed, that is, if you don' t listen to the other voices of your committee and see what they are attempting to tell you, then most likely you will get another serious illness, or become depressed or be filled with anger on a daily basis.
So what are the names of the voices on your committee?
Blessings, Lorraine
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