This blog is dedicated to the idea that those of us who are in our second act are being called to a life renaissance. What this means is that we are looking to live a transformed life from our first act; that instead of simply floating down the river enjoying the fruits of our first act labors or working diligently to hang on to them, we are actually making a transition into a new way of being and living. I call it a renaissance since this word means renewal, regeneration, reawakening, revitalization and rebirth, it does not mean doing the same things we have always done and expecting different results or expecting the results to bring us satisfaction in a second act way. Each stage of life offers its joys and challenges and no stage lasts forever. Many of the ideas and methods we used for success in our first act, will in many cases not bring what we actually want in terms of our new idea of success in our second act. What happens to us however is we get used to doing things in certain ways – tried and true ways. These are our habits and our methods for negotiating life. If something has worked for us in the past, most of us will not question it now, but that is exactly what we need to do if we want a true renaissance in our lives.
Recently I had this come home to me. I was doing some research to find an agent for my book and I heard about this one woman and looked her up on the Internet. She had a list of what she would expect from a non-fiction author she would consider representing. When I looked at this list I got a negative reaction and it took me a few days to figure out why. She said that in order for her to represent a non fiction author they would need to be doing from 30-60 speaking engagements a year, have a syndicated newspaper or magazine column, a connection to a major university, published articles, and established media contacts in both radio and television. As it turns out I have most of these and for those that I don’t – the speaking engagements – I don’t usually do that many - and the media contacts – I have a few but they need reestablishment – but I knew I could easily put these in place, I just needed to speed up my game and get out there, no problem; I’d done this before. But I was still disturbed looking at this list. At first I think it’s because I feel challenged by this or I wondered if there was some fear in there somewhere, you know the old fear of success. I considered that maybe I was somehow intimidated by this kind of expectation. So I mulled this over for about a week – I wrote in my journal and I talked to some close friends about it. Everyone told me they had no doubts about my ability to do this, including myself, but I still felt disturbed.
Then one morning I woke up and knew what it was – I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT! This was a first act definition of success, not a second act one. The most negative item on her list was the 30-60 speaking engagements a year. Well, think about it, that ends up being close to two a week. If I did that then I would no doubt be traveling around the country as I would run of places to speak if I simply did them in Denver where I live. Having that kind of schedule and that kind of expectation and commitment to your work is what first act people do. I’m in my second act and I want a different life than that. Getting on airplanes and staying in hotels on a weekly basis is not my idea of the good life – it might be for a first act person and I did that kind of thing in my first act but that is not it for me now. And it’s not because I am too old to do it or too tired and worn out but because I’m too smart, too wise for that kind of grueling schedule. The life I want to lead is not made up of life in airports and hotel rooms. The life I want to lead is filled with enough free time that the muse shows up in both my writing and other creative projects, I want to help others by giving my gifts in ways that bare fruit, I want to be able to get out in nature every day, read and learn new things on an on-going basis and be with my friends and family regularly. I am not simply looking to make money, which is the message from this agent - which is fine but money, in and of itself, is not enough of a motivator to get me to do what she requires.
What I realized I was doing was using a first act person’s definition of success as a method for generating my own renaissance and that is a mistake. This by the way is a prevalent message in our culture – almost all advice you will find in books, the media and particularly on the Internet is directed at first act people. There is an assumption out there that we get this one act to be successful and all the methods and all the advice is for people in their first acts. The assumption is that everyone is either in their first act or are hanging on to the idea that they can stay there forever and continue to use the methods first act people use to be successful. The media tells us that life is a one-act play with any second act being a vacation from the first. Except for selling you products to make your second act financially secure, physically healthy and filled with recreational activities; there is very little out there about a second act done in a different way than the first act.
Recently I had this come home to me. I was doing some research to find an agent for my book and I heard about this one woman and looked her up on the Internet. She had a list of what she would expect from a non-fiction author she would consider representing. When I looked at this list I got a negative reaction and it took me a few days to figure out why. She said that in order for her to represent a non fiction author they would need to be doing from 30-60 speaking engagements a year, have a syndicated newspaper or magazine column, a connection to a major university, published articles, and established media contacts in both radio and television. As it turns out I have most of these and for those that I don’t – the speaking engagements – I don’t usually do that many - and the media contacts – I have a few but they need reestablishment – but I knew I could easily put these in place, I just needed to speed up my game and get out there, no problem; I’d done this before. But I was still disturbed looking at this list. At first I think it’s because I feel challenged by this or I wondered if there was some fear in there somewhere, you know the old fear of success. I considered that maybe I was somehow intimidated by this kind of expectation. So I mulled this over for about a week – I wrote in my journal and I talked to some close friends about it. Everyone told me they had no doubts about my ability to do this, including myself, but I still felt disturbed.
Then one morning I woke up and knew what it was – I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT! This was a first act definition of success, not a second act one. The most negative item on her list was the 30-60 speaking engagements a year. Well, think about it, that ends up being close to two a week. If I did that then I would no doubt be traveling around the country as I would run of places to speak if I simply did them in Denver where I live. Having that kind of schedule and that kind of expectation and commitment to your work is what first act people do. I’m in my second act and I want a different life than that. Getting on airplanes and staying in hotels on a weekly basis is not my idea of the good life – it might be for a first act person and I did that kind of thing in my first act but that is not it for me now. And it’s not because I am too old to do it or too tired and worn out but because I’m too smart, too wise for that kind of grueling schedule. The life I want to lead is not made up of life in airports and hotel rooms. The life I want to lead is filled with enough free time that the muse shows up in both my writing and other creative projects, I want to help others by giving my gifts in ways that bare fruit, I want to be able to get out in nature every day, read and learn new things on an on-going basis and be with my friends and family regularly. I am not simply looking to make money, which is the message from this agent - which is fine but money, in and of itself, is not enough of a motivator to get me to do what she requires.
What I realized I was doing was using a first act person’s definition of success as a method for generating my own renaissance and that is a mistake. This by the way is a prevalent message in our culture – almost all advice you will find in books, the media and particularly on the Internet is directed at first act people. There is an assumption out there that we get this one act to be successful and all the methods and all the advice is for people in their first acts. The assumption is that everyone is either in their first act or are hanging on to the idea that they can stay there forever and continue to use the methods first act people use to be successful. The media tells us that life is a one-act play with any second act being a vacation from the first. Except for selling you products to make your second act financially secure, physically healthy and filled with recreational activities; there is very little out there about a second act done in a different way than the first act.
But, if like me, you are in your second act and would like a renaissance in your life then you will need to come up with some new definitions of success and some new methods to get you there. This new definition will not be a one size fits all definition. For me traveling weekly to give speeches is not my idea of a second act soul call, but it might be for you. If you think it is, I still ask you to make sure by examing it closely to make sure you are not simply using a first act definition. Below are some questions to ask yourself in helping you come up with your own guidelines for what constitutes success for you in your second act:
What brings you meaning and a sense of using your gifts on a daily basis?
Who or what would you want your gifts to serve?
What is your definition of success and do you need to re-think it?
What are you no longer willing to do to be conventionally successful?
What methods for success have you used in your first act that need to be re-examined now, given your current calling for your life?
I would love to hear from anyone who is at the point of wanting a renaissance and have grappled with these questions and come up with some new methods – we are indeed, all in this together and we need to help each other in amy way that we can. I’ll publish the best ideas so send them to me.
Blessings, Lorraine
What brings you meaning and a sense of using your gifts on a daily basis?
Who or what would you want your gifts to serve?
What is your definition of success and do you need to re-think it?
What are you no longer willing to do to be conventionally successful?
What methods for success have you used in your first act that need to be re-examined now, given your current calling for your life?
I would love to hear from anyone who is at the point of wanting a renaissance and have grappled with these questions and come up with some new methods – we are indeed, all in this together and we need to help each other in amy way that we can. I’ll publish the best ideas so send them to me.
Blessings, Lorraine
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