Become a Rainbow Mother and Wise Father to Yourself

When people ask me what kind of mother I was to my kids growing up I tell them I was a rainbow mother.  Of course. most people look at me with a quizzical look on their faces and then I explain what I mean.  A rainbow mother is a mother who gives her children roots and wings.  She teaches them by her example that certain things are important like telling the truth, being true to yourself and who you are at a deep level, being generous to others, doing your homework, both in school and in life, working hard, but working smart, being creative, taking risks, but not taking foolish ones, going outside your comfort zone from time to time and simply being the best person you can be given the cards you were dealt. A rainbow mother spends her time trusting that her children will do the right thing rather than worrying about what might happen.  She shows them by her actions that she believes in them, loves them the way they are, and she has faith that they will find their own way. She is there for them when trouble shows up but she does not cripple them by taking over and solving the problem herself.  Of course, I was not always perfect at this, but this was my goal.  I read books on parenting and I remember my own mother when I had a problem with my children, but mostly I trusted my instincts and tried not to get too caught up in the parenting style of the moment.  Now my children are grown and both are doing great - I am proud of them, not for what I did but for what they did themselves - they are both awesome and terrific. By the way, they also made great choices in husbands too.

Allowing the Dark and Rainy Days Their Due

But today, what I want to talk to you about is being a rainbow mother and a wise father to yourself, not to brag about myself or my kids.  Here's what I know - one of the things a rainbow mother does is allow her child's bad days, rainy days, dreary days to be just that - a time to be nurtured and a time to take a break from the "doing" of life.  If you're a parent, whether your children are still in the nest or have flown out on their own, or if you will think about yourself when you were a child, you know or will remember that children have their bad days, their sick days, their mad days and their just plain awful days.  What a rainbow mother does in these situations is remember the idea of roots and wings.  She wants to give her children the roots of good values, of fine character and to demonstrate generosity of spirit to her child.  We can do this for ourselves as well, when we have a dark and dreary day.  When we allow ourselves this time to not do anything, to not make any decisions, to not try and figure anything out, we are being a rainbow mother to ourselves.  By the way, you can be a rainbow mother to yourself whether you are male or female, as we all have access to both male and female energies within our psyche.

Nurture the Spirit - Give the Ego Something Else to Do 

In my book, Second Act Soul Calls, I talk about the dance of the ego and the soul, but what I want to talk about here is how the ego, when you have a bad day, a rainy day, a dark and dreary day, can interfere in the process of getting to the rainbow.  Let's go back to the idea of the rainbow mother.  The rainbow mother knows that you have to have the rain so you can have the rainbow, the flowers and every other good thing on earth.  The rainbow mother is in touch with her soul, but she also has a strong ego.  If you, as an adult ask yourself what's wrong, why are you having a bad day, what's the deal here?  The ego as the house manager of the psyche will get busy giving you an answer.  One of the answers may be that you just don't have time to be sick, in a bad mood, or pandering to your soft side.  The ego is the task master, the Master Sargent, the man in charge of you, at least that's how it feels.  But think about what that rainbow mother would do with a sick child - she would put him or her to bed with a favorite book, bring up some chicken soup, maybe a can of 7-up to sooth his upset stomach and let him watch his favorite video.   She would tuck him into bed and maybe even read him a story or tell him about a time when he did something awesome and cool. She would nurture him and let the bad day have it's due.  She will tell the ego to go do something else.

The Something Else the Ego Can Do - Become a Wise Father

Remember the roots and wings idea?  Well, that's what the ego needs to do when you as an adult have a rainy/dark day, it needs to bring forth the roots you have in life and review them, so that when the rainy day is done and the sun comes back out you can fly into that rainbow and do your thing.  The ego then becomes like a wise father - he will remind you of what you believe in, what you value, who you value and what really is important to you in your life - in other words, the roots of your life.  The rainbow mother is busy nurturing you and the wise father is reminding you of who you really are and what matters to you.  In a way, he's like Yoda from Star Wars - he reminds you of what's important and in this way, when the rain stops, that is, your dark day is over, you can get back to the things that matter to you.

So the next time you have a rainy, dark and dreary day, let your rainbow mother nurture you and your spirit back to health, but also let your wise father remind you of who you really are and what you believe in so that when the dawn comes the next day, you will feel refreshed and ready to tackle whatever is up for you.  

Blessings, Lorraine