Are You Just Swimming Laps or On a Quest?

I read this wonderful and truly profound book a few years ago called, Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain, by Elio Frattarolli, MD, a psychiatrist.. In  it the author talks about the two basic ways to live your life - the swimming pool or the quest.   He says that some people get up everyday and simply go to the pool and swim laps.  Other people see life as a journey to find the true meaning of their lives by going on a quest.  He uses the example of teaching his young son how to ride a bicycle.  He says that the only way to learn to ride a bike is to be willing to fall down a lot - therefore falling down is good, but that many people, once they hit adulthood, don't like the idea of falling down and adopt the philosophy of falling down is bad, but that in life lived as quest, falling down is good.  He calls the falling down is good philosophy the quest and the falling down is bad, the swimming pool  Here's what he says in his book about these two idea:

The Swimming Pool 

"According to the swimming-pool philosophy, the purpose of life is to stay afloat, to function smoothly, maintain the equilibrium of the status quo.  Bumping into other swimmers is to be avoided as much as possible.  In other words, falling down is bad."

This is the view that many of mainstream society takes.  Most people believe that by the time they get to midlife they are done with learning and growing.  By this time most people feel that you "should" be pretty good at what you do, that is, swimming laps.  If you are bumping into other people as you swim your laps or are hitting your head on the end of the pool as you make your turn, then something must be wrong with you, therefore falling down in this view is bad and you are not a successful person.

The Quest 

According to Frattarolli, "...the quest is symbolized by the Arthurian myth of the quest for the grail. The quest is an adventurous seeking of a higher or better state.  According to the quest philosophy, the purpose of life is to pursue this higher state - enlightenment, wisdom, self-actualization - by progressing through a series of difficult, dangerous trails.  The successful mastery of each trial brings the seeker to the next level in his or her gradual ascent toward the ultimate goal, which, though it maybe be unattainable, is inherently worth pursuing.  But the process of undergoing a trail inevitable involves some error.  You can't find your way to a higher level without learning from your missteps. Falling down therefore is good."  

My own book, Second Act Soul Calls - Your Guide for the Re-Invention of Your Life at Midlife and Beyond with Passion, Purpose and Possibilities  is of course about living life on a quest. In it I talk about wrong turns and mistakes and how these are there to teach you something about what your soul has in mind for you and that to ignore these or to deal with them as simply the random happenings of life will in the long run make you miserable.  In other words, bumping into other people in the pool of life or bumping your head on the concrete is a message from your soul and not just some random accident.

But the mainstream view holds that to have good solid self-esteem it's not good to look at these things as anything but random accidents.  The mainstream view and what I have come to see as the swimming pool view is to fix them, if it is in your power to do so, or ignore them or pay more attention while swimming your laps each day.  Learning something from these "falling down"  experiences is not part of the swimming pool view of life, except in a way that is very external to you such as not marrying someone again like your ex wife, not taking a job with the same kind of company or by going on a health kick when you have a health scare.  No one using this philosophy looks any deeper than these superficial  ways of dealing with a fall.

In the Swimming Pool - Personal Growth Ends at Adulthood

In the swimming pool most people consider themselves fully grown and done with developmental issues somewhere in their thirties and certainly by their forties. When I was in private practice if someone came to see me in midlife, he or she rarely talked to me about what they needed to learn in order to grow.  Mostly what they talked about was all the other people and circumstances that were causing them trouble.  In many cases, if not almost all of them, the person saw their troubles not as learning experiences but as circumstances beyond their control, but as I would tell them, "Everywhere you go, there you are."  In other words, in almost all cases the common denominator in someone's life problems, is them.  A person can quit their job, find a new girlfriend, divorce their spouse or go find a new pool to swim in but if they don't learn from the experience that created the problem in the first place, then it's bond to happen again - we either learn from out experiences or we are doomed to repeat them or live a life of avoidance and limits.  Time to look at life as a quest.

When You're on a Quest - Learning and Growing Last a Lifetime

If you have not lived your life as quest, then along about midlife you will get a wake-up call from your soul. This is your second chance to live your life in a more meaningful and purposeful way, that is, on a quest. By midlife, discontent begins to set in - you're pretty tired of getting into that pool and doing the same thing day after day.  You feel the need for some adventure - something new - something more meaningful than just swimming laps everyday.  But then maybe not - some people never get out of  the pool.  Or you see the discontent as needing a solution and so you get busy seeing what you can do to get into a bigger pool or maybe a smaller one. But if you truly want to live a meaningful and purposeful life then this is the time to let your soul have its say and not your ego.  If this sounds daunting to you then you might like to take my 12 week online course about this very thing, or read my book or call me for some one-on-one mentoring - I've had my moment of discontent and I have found the holy grail of my life and it is to help others do the same. So give me a call - 303-273-5589 - or check out my website at www.lorrainebanfield.com.  Maybe it's time to sit on the side of the pool and ponder all this, what do you think?

Blessings, Lorraine.