A lot of people spend their days comparing themselves to others. In a way, it's the name of the game that most of us Americans grew up playing. It's the competition game and it starts in school with grades and getting picked for the dodge ball team or being the best at a sport or winning the science fair project or the computer derby - everyone wants to be first at something and in many ways this is a good thing but eventually this whole thing turns into a compare and then judge game that can be detrimental to the development of your own unique gifts and talents. We are all gifted and talented and we need to find and develop these talents and gifts rather than continuing to compare ourselves to others. The Picture of the flower on the left is lovely, don't you think? I do - it just is - I don't need to compare it to any other flowers or say that it is the most beautiful of all flowers - it is simply a beautiful flower and that is its gift.
The same is true of all of people. We are all flowers in our way and when we compare ourselves to others this can create either a sense of superiority or a sense of inferiority because we can always find people who are better at something than we are and others who are not as good at something which we do very well. For some people this becomes their main occupation - looking for those who are worse off than they are and judging themselves better or finding those who are more successful and feeling inadequate in a kind of see sawing back and forth between these two extremes.
Eliminate the Compare and Judge Game From Your Life
This is a worthless occupation and proves nothing - absolutely nothing. If you want to be good at something then go for it by creating or finding a standard and working toward that standard. If I want to be a better writer then I need to study writing, spend time actually writing and listening and taking in feedback about my writing and then revising my writing or not depending on how I feel about it myself - if I think the feedback is legitimate, then I will make changes but if I don't I won't. But to spend my days saying so and so is a better writer than I am or that I'll never be that good or that so and so can't write her way out of a paper bag and then acting superior about that person, does not serve my talent as a writer.
Accept Your Gift at the Level it is Given
In a recent blog post I talked about being a tall poppy and I do think some of us are tall poppies but does that mean we are the tallest poppy in the whole wide world or just within the field where we are planted? I think you can guess the answer. In addition, we may be a tall poppy in one area and not tall at all in another. I'm a writer, I love writing but I don't see my writing gift as that of someone like Jane Austin - that's not even my kind of writing or a more contemporary example like Jennifer Weiner - she's funny and entertaining and is a best selling author - but I'm not trying to be like her either. I'm being me and using my gift where I'm planted and not looking to judge myself against anyone but my own self and what I want to accomplish with my writing.
You need to do this too. Figure out your gifts and talents and start honing them, practicing them and using them in some way that makes you feel good about yourself - always - whether there is someone you know who does it better than you or that you judge to be doing it better than you or not. And if you think you and your gifts make you hot stuff and you judge yourself better than everyone around you, well then that too is a huge mistake. What's that old saying, pride goeth before a fall - people who see themselves as superior to everyone else are going to be shot down by someone or something at some point down the road, you can bet on that.
What You Love to Do - That's Where Your Gifts Are
Our gifts come from what we love to do - if you love to do it, then in almost all cases you will be gifted in that area in some way. Now I'm not talking about reading a book or watching a movie or eating ice cream - these are pleasures, not gifts or talents. I'm talking about doing something that produces something and contributes to the greater good - this is where your gifts show up. So if you don't know what your gifts or talents are, start paying attention to what you love to do that produces something that is useful to other people or the planet. Also, pay attention to compliments - what do other people tell you that you are good at or that they appreciate about you - this too is a good place to look for your gifts. Another way to discover your gifts is to look at what you get lost in doing, that is, you lose track of time because you are simply so involved in the activity that the next thing you know it's been hours but it seems like only minutes. One writer calls this flow and most of us have something we like to do where we feel in the flow or in the zone.
All Gifts are Valuable and Useful
This brings us back to the comparing and judging game some people play on a daily basis - they judge their own gifts as lacking in quality or quantity, but all gifts are valuable and useful regardless of their level or how much material success. In some cases they judge their own gifts too highly and come off arrogant and egotistical, not a good thing either. When we do this we either deny our own value as a human being or we become narcissistic and value ourselves more than is reasonable. Each of us needs to find a balance between recognizing and honoring our gifts and talents but not making them the be all and end all of our existence either.
In my own case, if I write one sentence, one article, one blog post or one book that changes one person's life in a positive way, then my gift has served its purpose. Plus, I love writing these things and that serves me as well and so now I've served two people and I'm okay with that. Of course, I have faith that my work serves more than two people, but if a song bird sings a song in the forest and no one hears it, does that mean the song bird has no value? Or if you go on American Idol and are cut on the first show and then go home and sing in the choir at your church, does that mean your gift is somehow less than the eventual winner of American Idol? I don't think so - a gift is a gift and needs to be valued and appreciated by the one who has the gift where ever that may take them or however that may play itself out.
Find Your Piece of the Great Puzzle and Begin Using it
We all have a piece of the great puzzle - I call this our gifts and talents - some have big pieces and some have smaller ones but we all have something to contribute. The trick is to value what you have as sacred and stop looking at others and comparing yourself to them - it's a waste of your time and does not serve you or your gift - so make a promise to yourself today to stop comparing and judging and get on with valuing, using and honing and then giving your gifts to the greater good instead.
Blessings, Lorraine
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